January 17

Both Have Lessons To Learn

If you want to give some advice, your first duty is to look and see if that person will accept it, if he or she will be benefited by your saying something. If the person gets upset, it shows that you don’t know how to say it gently in the proper way. In that case, you learn something from it: “Ah, I made her angry. I should have known how to present the problem. It is her problem, but I have to learn how to present it in the right way. Maybe I put it bluntly and that is why she got upset.” There are things for you to learn also. If your intention is to help someone but you fail to make him realize that you are helping him, it’s your mistake. You can’t blame him for that.

The giver of the help should remember certain things about how to give constructive suggestions. Stop and think, “Is this the right moment to discuss this? Am I presenting it in the proper way?” If you positively know that the person is not in a mood to receive it from you, wait until another time or start very gently. Then give that person time to think about it. Maybe at the spur of the moment the ego will come and say, “How dare you tell me that!” But when you go away, he or she will try to apply your advice. Remember there is a giver and a receiver; both have lessons to learn.